Divorce is one of the most painful experiences that any family can experience. Not only the death of a marriage, but also the death of dreams and hopes. The recovery process may not be easy, but there are sure to be ways to avoid despair. So, if we have experienced the tragedy of divorce, how can we recover, grow through it, and allow it to make us much healthier people?
Here are 10 steps to cope with the pain of a divorce:
Recognize the loss
After the initial shock it is tempting to go into denial, either by refusing to face the reality of what has happened or by burying our feelings of pain and anger. So the first step in recovery is to face the reality of the situation and to be truly honest with what you feel.
Accept pain as normal
Pain is nature’s way of telling us that something is broken and needs to be fixed. Whether it’s a broken arm or a broken heart, pain needs to motivate us to get the help we need to heal and care for ourselves.
You must realize that this will also happen
With divorce it is easy to feel that life is over and that you will never love again. However, if you work through the recovery process, the pain will pass and you will be able to go out with much healthier and more mature people.
Don’t lose your pain, invest it
The best way to reverse your pain is to use it to motivate you to grow and become a better person, and then support others who are going through divorce and help them see that they, too, can survive and become happier and healthier people.
Take time to heal
A broken arm takes six weeks to heal. Broken hearts take much longer, but not forever. As you work through the recovery steps, you will heal. For some it may take up to a year or more. But, if you still haven’t resolved your pain after two years, chances are you haven’t faced or dealt with your feelings and they are keeping you stuck. If this is your case, you could use a professional advisor to help you work through your loss and recovery process.
Make your grief now
With all the loss there are many emotions such as pain, anger, guilt, and deep sorrow, all of which need to be expressed creatively, otherwise they will act destructively. Find a safe person to share your feelings, even if it has to be a professional counselor. If you put walls around your negative feelings, you also block your positive feelings. A vital part of the healing process is crying over your pain. As Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
Forgive to be free
Not being able to forgive keeps you tied to the past, but to make genuine forgiveness possible, you need to resolve and get rid of all your negative emotions of pain and anger. Unless you do this, you will take your negative emotions into all your future close relationships.
Let go of the past
There are people who have been divorced for a long time and are still waiting for the fantasy that their ex-spouse will return. You need to work through your pain, and then let it go. Think about your mistakes, forgive yourself for it, forgive the other person, free yourself and continue with your life.
Do not rush
Going into another romantic relationship too soon can make you avoid facing the pain of your marriage breakup, and so if you get engaged or married before settling your past, you’re bound to repeat it.
You must realize that failure is never final and that the only real failure is not to get up once more with each fall.
With these tips, you can overcome the pain of a divorce, everything requires your will and love for yourself to be a healthy and happy person.